Back in May we celebrated our boys first birthday!! It was such a celebration for us! Having kids was something I was starting to think I wasn’t going to get. Then having premature twins and us all making it through our first year healthy and alive was something I was beyond thankful. I knew having twins was going to be hard, but I was naïve just how hard it would be.
. Our entire journey to our boys was never easy. After trying for years to get pregnant then suffering a devastating miscarriage, IVF ended up being the challenge we had decided to take. To be completely honest I never ever wanted twins. Twins run in my family and everyone would say “you’re going to be the one who has the twins.” I would reply with “shut your dirty mouth.” I knew babies were extremely hard, so I knew two at once was crazy! As I started my journey to motherhood and how hard it was for me, I started praying to take those words back. I wanted God’s plan, not mine. If it was his plan to give me twins, then I’d take it. So, when our fertility doctor told us we should defiantly implant two embryos. We did! And God’s plan was two bless me with my two sweet boys.
I struggled not only emotional but psychically my entire pregnancy. Since I had only known loss in suffering a miscarriage before the IVF, it was my biggest fear. It sounds insane but up until I hit the week of viability, I thought I was for sure I was going to lose them. I had so much irrational fear. At six weeks into my pregnancy I suffered from hematoma from James’s placenta detaching and reattaching. So, I bled for about half my pregnancy. That did quite the number on my fear. I had to be extremely careful and was on bed rest off and on for most of my pregnancy. Then at twenty-two weeks I suffered from a ridiculous pain in my back that made the bleeding even worse. It got so bad that it would make my stomach super tight, I would be crying in pain, and throwing up uncontrollably. I spent almost all of February that year in and out of the ER/ labor and delivery. I was kept overnight twice. Finally, they saw that I had some kidney stones and that is what was causing my crazy pain.
So, after that pregnancy my beautiful boys decided they were running out of space and were born a month early. It all happened fast and unexpectedly. I was being monitored like crazy. I had an ultrasound, cervical check, NST’s, and AFI’s done twice a week. But, over two days I went to a routine check up and my doctor said, “Oh you are about four centimeters dilated.” I was like, what??? I always thought I’d know when I was going into labor. I guess I thought I’d just feel it. Turns out I was wrong! My sweet boys were born by cesarean later that night! (I will write a post soon more on that experience.)
I have these moments where I watch them, and it will hit me that they are here. They are here and were all okay. It has been a crazy ride, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s my story and I won’t ever fully understand why I had to go through it. I am thankful for the strength it showed me I have. I am also thankful for being able to witness the beauty that can come out of ashes. So, to wrap this up, that first birthday was celebrated as it should be! We had a “Wild One” theme party. All of our family came and spoiled and loved our boys.
We had our favorite Mexican restaurant cater, good music, games, and delicious cake. We couldn’t have asked for a better time! I am so excited for all future birthday parties! I will take time every day on their birthday to thank God for blessing me with them, and for letting us all be here on his glorious earth together. I always to try remind myself of these things in those hard days when I to runway to a beach somewhere where children aren’t allowed, and they have never ending wine and pizza. HAHA!